yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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