when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
why is half of my head shaved?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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