why didn't you poke me back
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize