I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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