we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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