oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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