I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
