dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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