so that wasnt chicken after all
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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