woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
