listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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