If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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