A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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