maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
