No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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