if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
