READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
