someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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