Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
