lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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