did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
