i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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