My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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