I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize