Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
