So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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