Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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