my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
