I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
