i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
