drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
