ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I skipped work to stalk him.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
