forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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