Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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