What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
