Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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