his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
