My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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