Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
