So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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