This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You work out of a Hotel?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
