I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
