I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
soo... how was my night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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