So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my liver is dry heaving
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
