I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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