I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
