Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
