I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
