He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
