textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize