I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
