i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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