please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
