Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
