Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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