I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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