My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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