Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
