I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
