6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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