Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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