what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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