so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
