When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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