just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
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I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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