i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
