so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
