As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
