bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
