im about as happy as oj after his trial
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am mentally ready for anal.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
