Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hippo gnu deer
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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