I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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