I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
