I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think my vagina is haunted
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
