i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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