I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
