He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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