Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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