hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
